Treat Her as an Authority

You know what your daughter wants? She would like to be treated as an authority. No, I’m not talking about leaving her in charge of the house every time you’re gone, and now when you ask her for something, she’s disrespectful because she thinks she’s running your place.

I mean things like asking for her opinion. Give her a mission that the two of you all need to conquer together, and let her be in charge.

When I was 13, my mother was celebrating both her birthday and Mother’s Day on the same day. We were known in our neighborhood for having the best backyard barbecues. My dad came to me about a month before and said, “What do you think about throwing your mom a surprise party?” I still look back in amazement as he handed me a Rolodex, stated to make a guest list and menu, and made me promise I wouldn’t share it with anyone — specifically one of my big sisters, because she didn’t know how to keep a secret.

Over the next 30 days, I planned everything, from the menu to the invite list, to making the calls for inviting others, and even coordinated a big tent in the backyard. I also baked the cake. My dad often pulled me aside to ask for my opinion on what I thought of his outfit for a night out, or took me to the jewelry store to help him decide what to buy my mother for a special occasion that year. He made me feel like my opinion mattered, which in turn made me comfortable with voicing my opinion in social situations. Not only was he grooming my talents for event planning, which I spent over three years of my career doing and still love planning intimate dinner parties to this day, but he was also building up my self-confidence by doing those little things.

Give your teenage daughter room to grow and treat her as an authority. You’re developing skills not often provided in the classroom.