Are You Catering To Your Daughter's Love Language?
By: Maurice Hudson
Feeling love is an essential human need—and your daughter is not an exception. Dr. Gary Chapman, author and writer of "The 5 Love Languages", says that people express and receives love in different ways.
In his book, he emphasizes that the five ways we experience love are: gifts, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation. However, every person has a specific way that makes them feel loved. This applies to your daughter as well.
As a father, you want your daughter to feel loved by you. But it’s also important that you understand your daughter’s love language, or your message will fail. That hug that you gave her as she went out to school? It may not be as effective as you think it is without words expressing your love for her.
These are the five love languages you can start using with your daughter.
Is your daughter often seen grabbing your leg or climbing all over you while you are just trying to get a moments rest? If you find your daughter pestering you for kisses and hugs for reassurance that you love her, you might be dealing with a daughter who has physical touch as a love language. If you wind up having a daughter who just adores being around you, try pulling out her favorite Disney movie and watching with her on the couch. Most daughters love a reassuring peck on the cheek before being tucked in at night.
Ever had you daughter call you her “favorite daddy.”? When her face beams in delight when you verbally praise her for being her best, you may have a daughter whose love language is word of affirmation.
Praise and comforting also works wonders! Give her the physical affection she deserves by giving her a high-five when she does the right thing, or giving a back rub when your little one just hasn’t had the best of days.
Words of Affirmation
Ever had you daughter call you her “favorite daddy.”? When her face beams in delight when you verbally praise her for being her best, you may have a daughter whose love language is word of affirmation. There is nothing that will brighten your daughter’s day more than a surprise note in her lunchbox that reminds her that you love her. It’s also great to constantly remind her how much she means to you. Text it. Say it. It may seem trivial to you, but it will mean more to her than you may think it does.
You ever was just at home doing work and your daughter was constantly chirping, “Play with me!” “Watch this, Daddy!” “Look at me!” Then you might have a daughter whose love language is quality time. Spending time may mean to world to her. Its best that you do not ignore your daughter’s beckons to be noticed. If she comes to talk, make sure you stop what you are doing and give your daughter the attention they deserve. Opening your ears to her is important. Listen to her explain her favorite school subject. Spend a little more time reading that book and hearing how she feels about it. Plan a specific day to spend and make it all about her. Its human nature to value time over other materialistic things, and your daughter may also do the same.
One day you decide to give your daughter a doll. But not just an ordinary doll. This doll is custom-made, has the same hair as her. The dress the doll is wearing is her favorite color. You even add the small detail of having a scar in her arm, depicting the time she was careless and hurt herself. If your daughter cherishes this for the rest of her adolescent years and never lets it go, you might be dealing with a daughter whose love language is gifts. Not only do they love receiving gifts, but they will appreciate the small details of what she got.
If you are dealing with a daughter who loves gifts, make sure what you give reflects what she likes. You have yourself a little dancer in the family? Make sure to get her a ballerina doll. You will get extra points if you make the doll yourself as it will hold a special place in her heart.
Extra, extra points if you surprise her by putting in a place she’d normally check—like a backpack or lunchbox. Nothing can beat getting a surprise doll made by your “favorite daddy”.
Acts of Service
Nice gestures are a great show of affection for any person. So it’s no surprise that your daughter may yearn for it as well. She ever plead for you to fix something for her? Maybe she is old enough to pick out her own clothes, but she wants you to do it instead?
If this sounds like your daughter, she may be hungry for acts of service. If this is the case, make her heart melt with breakfast in bed to start the morning. Recognize that she has a favorite meal? When she brings home good grades, cook it for her as a special treat–with dessert on top!
Being creative and doing something nice she doesn’t expect will feed her craving for acts of service. Taking her to volunteer will also help satisfy her, while also teaching her to be humble. We all enjoy receiving love in a lot of ways. But knowing that path to your daughter’s heart will strengthen your bond. In the end, that is what every father aims to achieve.